EVERYDAY YUM 3-12-14 #yummydress

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HOLA !!! ALOHAS!!! And HELLO Yummy Yummy sweetarts and lovers! I’m BAAAACK after quite a LOOOoooOooOong hiatus… you may have been wonderin’ “What is UP with YUMMY DRESS?”

Well let’s just say YUMMY is now in the tropics… South Florida to be exact! Right? From wikked hot, red chile and pinon-scented deep azure skies to Tupelo honey drizzled day dreams and salty sea breezes! LIFE is all about change! FLUX me UP!

ONWARDS…. I drew a fabtastique cut-off tee by the beyond GENIUS team over at Nikki Lipstick – for girls and boys who wanna have FUN and baby, I am ALWAYS up for FUN! Plus, they smoosh up cute AND sick. I love me some sizzling cray cray Kawaii couture overload, so this tee just sang to moi.

PANCAKES! Okay, mind you, not as CUTE or Kawaii as said tee but hey, the word “PANCAKES” definitely strikes a fun food chord, no? FLAP JACKS – even cuter! FLAPCAKES or PANJACKS… lemme chill.

Well, these are gluten free and methinks grain free as I waffle (AH HA get it?? Waffle!) on if quinoa is actually a grain. The base flours are quinoa and coconut so they are PRIMAL albeit not PALEO… but we don’t subscribe to any of that, do we???

FLAPCAKES

2/3 a cuppa quinoa flour (yeah organic)

1/3 a cuppa coconut flour (ditto above and organic it up for all below yums)

1 cuppa milk or if you wanna be exxtra decadent , 2/3′s a cuppa half and half and 1/3 a cuppa water.

1 teaspoonie non-aluminum baking powder

a pinchie pinch of good salt (like the Himalayan pink, fine grain)

2 tablespoons ghee

2 eggs (farm fresh!) at room temperature

Combine all dry ingredients and mix well in a nice Kawaii stylee cutie funster bowl:)

Melt ghee into the milk or half and half mixture by heating it all up VERY SLOWLY on a VERY LOW heat. This takes at least 7 minutes. Be patient and pop on some old skool Cibo Matto and smear on some blue lipstick to uber Kawaii yourself! Yes boys, you too! NO BLACK EMO EYELINER THOUGH!! It must be sparkleee and in the color scheme of Jordan Almonds. Let’s keep it happycore hmmmmm?

Woah…ok where wuz I? Oh yes, by now you are all Easter egg-hued, glittery and ready to stir up that milky gheelicious potion. Take it off the LOW heat and test the hotness with your clean finger. C’mon I know you have ONE.

Crack them eggs into the mixture, but make sure it’s just a bit warmer than tepid as you don’t wanna be making no scrambled eggs when you plop them single-celled things in. WOW, that was a pretty yuck paragraph for such a YUM dish.

Pour the wet mess of love out from the pot and into a bowl.

Stir it all up and start adding the dry goods to the liquidee ones a coupla tablespoons at a time, mixing like a  Harajuku banshee the whole time.

As soon as it is an ideal FLAPCAKE consistency, stop adding the dry.

Heat up some ghee or coconut oil in a pan (I do a mix of both). Make sure it is medium high but not smoke alarm high. Ladle the batter into the pan and let the magic begin! I would do a peek test to see how everything’s cooking, but as these are not true PANCAKES, the “when it gets bubbles on top” rule does not apply. Flip and cook another coupla minutes. I ‘d say at least 2 minutes per side depending on if you are at sea level or not. The higher up you are, the longer you will cook ‘em.

Top with beurre of your choosing (you know I likes the grass fed stylee) and some crunchy sea salt (Maldon anyone?).

Do that syrup thang if you are so inclined. BON SUPER CUTE APPETIT!

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CHOCOLATE BLONDES #yummydress

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THE BECKERMANS!!!!!  The twin sisters have styled themselves as they do daily, and it inspired the above portrait… Here’s what they are sportin’!

ON CAILLIANNE (left):

-Rodarte leather fringe vest

-Mickey Mouse H&M leggin’s

-Balenciaga bag and shoes

-Starbucks grande green tea with matcha and soy on ice

ON SAMANTHA (right):

-sequined Marc Jacobs Mickey Mouse sweatshirt

-Balenciaga blouse (silver-tipped underneath)

-plastic Marc Jacobs garbage bag skirt

-white Marques Almeida shoes

-Proenza bag

-vintage pearl sunnies (model’s own)

Challo fellow holiday yum yum pals. For this YUMMY DRESS, I drew 2 of my FAVE style Icons, Caillianne and Samantha Beckerman, of the infamous BECKERMANS!!! Yes, you in the “know” know exactly who I am speaking of, and those who do not, get ready for a taste of pure, original, gorgeous, inspired genius. I peeped my first Beckermans piece back in 2004 and knew I had to draw it for PAPER MAGAZINE. It was a delightful confection of a dress. Yes, how many times have you heard fashion folks say “CONFECTION?” But this time it really was an apt description. The dress was like a party of pom-poms and color, all cut with precision so it never looked costumey or garish, just scrumdillicious and brillz. A hard feat! So I drew it, and when it went to press, I called ‘em up and told them about it and BOOM BABY, a great friendship was born. I have followed them since and even though they have retired from showing, they are styling and blogging like champs!!! They started an online fashion blog in 2009 called Beckerman Blog, a daily hit of their style avec them hosting red carpet events, Fashion Week coverage, and working with huge houses doing collabos. From being flown to Paris to cover Isabel Marant for H&M to being full-on H&M ambassadors, they have hosted countless events and blogged for the rad brand. They have also live-hosted the 2013 Much Music Video Awards (hey, they are from Toronto!), promoted countless charity projects (can you say Stop Hunger campaign with Michael Kors, Bulgari’s Save The Children, and Ralph Lauren’s Pink Pony T-shirt Campaign with Ralph Lauren himself?), and spread the LOVE and STYLE thick like butter on hot crunchy toast. There is SO MUCH MORE to mench!!! From DVF to Nine West, from Rebecca Minkoff to Maison Martin Margiela, they have been a part of it all, even squeezing in time for a custom Beckermans T-shirt and bag line for Uniqlo (the MAKE UP MONSTER and POPCORN MONSTER TEEs ARE AMAZE!!!). These girls are young, supremely talented, fabulously hard-working, and wikked fun-loving. I do indeed LOVE THE BECKERMANS and feel in a world where sometimes it’s hard to find magic, these ladies are steeped in it. Pure and simple, joy and day-glo rainbows. Golden locks and cherry lips are de riguer for these chocolate luvin blondes! HEY, now that’s a segue if I ever heard one! I told Sam and Cailli about the idea of a Chocolate Omelette to go with their portrait. They both gushed YES as we are all chocoholics (moi aussi).

The idea of the Chocolate Omelette came alive when my honey Jon said, hey what about a chocolate omelette? Can you make it? I was titillated, my synapses firing on overdrive… I said YES. Lemme just mull it over for a day. Then like a blitzkrieg of fire and electricity, I had it! 100% dark chocolate and rich creamy cheese – that way it wouldn’t be cloying or nauseating. I menched this recipe to 4  people. 2 were repulsed and 2 totally got it. They understood the relationship of eggy wegs and rich cocoa-love, enrobed in a cheesy kiss. Very pan au chocolat sans the pan. But as with most great artists, I too, want, need, desire polarization. So LOVE IT or HATE it…HERE it COMES!!!

THE CHOCOLATE OMELETTE!!!! (hold appaluse until the end of the show)

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The cast is simple albeit talented. The rich fresh milk was backstage primping with the ghee and missed this photo op…but they are in the show.

It’s just 100% dark chocolate from France… I would recommend only Francois Pralus. Real cream overdose mouth feel, and that’s sayin’ mucho for 100% choco, baby. No grit, all love. I used about 1 oz. (about 1/3 of a bar). And I got WAY BUZZED. Cut back if you are not a chocoholic.

3 eggs (good ones from your neighbors chickens and at room temp or close to)

1/4 cup of grass fed fresh WHOLE FAT milk. I dig Kalona SuperNatural brand.

RAW Boorenkaas cheese from Holland… the Dutch get it. Or any good melty-mild but not tangy cheese. I used a coupla oz. Remember, with an omelette, it’s like a painting – you decide the amount you desire.

Ghee! Oh yes, cook this treat up in good ol’ ghee. About 2-3 tablespoons.

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Grate chocolate and mini cube cheese. Stir eggs and add moo moo juice. Melt ghee in a nice NORMAL frying pan. Not icky teflon as this is a no-stick recipe anyhoo and teflon is the Devil. When the ghee is up to a medium hot heat (a sizzle, not a Smokey the Bear alert), add egg mixture. Add in a wee bit of salt…like WEE. Baby pinch it – think salted chocolate bars and you get the picture. Sprinkle grated chocolate on the egg pancake and then plop on cheese bits. As soon as you are done, cover it and turn off heat for 7 to 10 minutes. REALLY. This way you don’t burn your chocolate and you get the perfect rolly polly omelette. Check it after 7 minutes and if it needs more, blast it with heat for 30 seconds and then turn it off again and wait 3 minutes. You don’t want a browned crisp dealio. You want it soft and rolly and oozey and gooey. TRUST ME.

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SEE! No brown! Except inside….OoOooOoOoOo. I was wary, but this creation is truly full-on sickness. SO DELISH! SO UNIQUE! SO INSANE! And so amped up. I would not advise anyone on eating one of these alone. Share it with a pal. If you are a solo playa, then cut the chocolate  in half so you don’t end up too buzzed. I mean, Jon and I split one and hiked for like 4 hours after. Good but WAY VA VA VOOM! Do NOT eat this past 3 pm unless you wanna be up all night. IT WAS SOOOOOOOO DELECTABLE AND RICH AND DEEP AND EARTHY AND ETHEREAL!!!!! I now make them weekly.

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CHOCOLATE and CHEESE! HEAVEN!

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To end, here is my first drawing of The Beckermans couture from back in 2004 for PAPER MAGAZINE. The sunshine-strewn, rainbow-splashed pom-pom fiesta dress (on the left OBVIOUSLY) stunned me. The Dagwood sammich seemed like the perfect accessory.

Can you not GET OVER that dress???? AHHHHHHHHHHH STYLE FO’ EVER!!!!! Thank you BEAUTIFUL BECKERMANS!

EVERYDAY YUM 12-15-13 #yummydress

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Hi there, fellow Yummsters! OK, for today’s EVERYDAY YUM, I have 2 simple and SUBLIME items of deliciousness. A sick rainbow-themed Prada Fur coat and a surprise of simplicity, a boatload of sauteed cremini mushrooms to top on your FAVE local PIZZA PIE! WHAT? Woah… I do indeed know how this may seem a bit TOO SIMPLE, but infact, it is genius if I do say so myself. I mean, REALLY FOLKS, it’s hard to maintain in this hazy holiday fuzz. So why not cut yourself some slack and just order a super yum pizza pie (you must say “pizza pie,” not just “pizza” or the yum diminishes)?? But wait up, guild that pizza pie with a topping of your choice. Do NOT rely on the pizza pie palace to use FAB toppings that are up to your YUM standards, as most do not. How about grass fed beef? Organic spinach? Or best ever, criminally good cremini ‘shrooms?!!! DING DING DING! I choose the later.

Slice up about a pound of good organic creminis into NYC pizzeria slices (as in very thin). Yes, I did say a pound, as it’s your party so why not really hit it? Saute the fungal suckas in 2 tablespoons of ghee and a wee bit of NON-VIRGIN olive oil… the virgin’s not good for sauteing. Add in a HOT PEPPER if you desire. I chose a wikked, nuclear-red-hot Cherry Bomb. Call in your pizza pie… I went with Santa Fe’s own Upper Crust and purchased a large Margarita on gluten free crust. Yes, I roll gluten free these days – actually grain free but that is indeed another blog. Whilst you wait for said YUM, cook up your mushy balls in a good CAST IRON SKILLET about 8 minutes on a medium flame. DING DONG! Pay the pizza pie person. Note that I didn’t say PIZZA MAN or BOY… I am getting so friggin PC yo. Top with earthy creminis and VOILA! NYC mushroom delight. Really, as an ex-New Yawker I truly miss how they HEAP on the mushy mushy. Ahhh, NYC you do have some fine PIZZA PIE!

Onwards and upwards to the Prada SS 2014 FUR! Yes, it is divine and yes, I did just about plotz when I peeked at this Prada collection. REALLY WAY CRAY AMAZE! The furs are not dreary or heavy…the complete opposite. I fell hard for the rainbow strewn one. It feels all MOD but sorta 70′s too. Like weird, rich hippy, but not creepy (as hippy and creepy can be synonymous). The entire collection is tweeked! I actually decided to create (instead of style) the polka dot boots and leave her in the Prada runway dress, as it was so truly perfect for the look. So my dream YUM is this trippin’ coat, and to eat my dream slice sporting this coat would be SICKNESS!!!! Now that’s a full-on freak-out. Prada on ‘shrooms baby!

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EVERYDAY YUM 11-29-13 #yummydress

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YES, it IS Vivienne Westwood!!! And yes, I could NOT decide which collection to feature… her RED (shown in London SS 2014) or GOLD (Paris SS 2014)? I mean, WOAH NELLY, homegirl was cold buggin’ on both. Paris was way more tweaked a la punk-etheric-faerie-mud-splattered-Little Bo Peep and London was completelee undead Marie Antoinette on a bender or in a blender.

I opted for classic Westwood, the aformentioned RED collection. Less “THIS IS ART” and more “I WANT IT NOW, I’ll wear it to tea or cocktails or Whole foods!” I also kept her “RUNWAY” make-up on… I really love what they did. Zombie chic for your inner and outer freak! I changed her hair tho, but aside from that, this IS the look from the catwalk. I literally HUNGER for this frock! Westwood will always be the reigning Queen of True Punk Rock Balls… brillz coupled with scrumptious confections of couture. Now that’s a combo I can sink my teeth into!

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As for teeth, you won’t need any for today’s EVERYDAY YUM as I decided to go slow and smooth with a nice, alkalizing fruit shake for breaky. I mean, HELLO, it is HOLIDAY SEASON! We need to balance the richness and decadence with some clean fare. Plus this shake is DIVINE. Get out your Vitamix (or go buy one…serious…I’m not playin’) and chop 1 comice pear (all fruit organic if you can), 1 fuji apple, 1/2 a bag of frozen cherries (I dig Whole Foods brand – wow, I’m a friggin’ Whole Foods infomercial), 1 avocado, 1 teaspoon cinnamon, and 2 tablespoons coconut oil (I love Jarrow Formulas extra virgin coconut oil)… but you will need to ice pick it out – I use a fork and a meat tenderizer to knock out a coupla big chunky wunks. It’s a good cooking coconut oil like Nutiva but I prefer it for smoothies as it is yummier. Lastly, add about a cup and a half of water and whir it up.  Use more water if you wanna sip it, but I like to “eat” my shakes with a spoon or spork. There you go, quick and healthy perfection with your blue visage and fab Westwood schmata. You are ready to kick it up wikked mad royal zombie girl stylee!

EVERYDAY YUM 11-27-13 #yummydress

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SWEATER by E Tautz (SS 2014, London)

SEQUINED DESTROYED JEANS by Ashish (SS 2014, London)

FLIP FLOPS: Model’s Own

OK, as you who know this blog have already figured out, YES, I drew my husband Jonny for today’s EVERYDAY YUM! Why? Well, sometimes my styling prowess just oozes out to those I know, and I cannot HELP but fantasy style my friends and familia. Plus, HOW SICK would it be to have a hot guy in SEQUINED JEANS to oggle?

I mean, c’mon folks, Ashish is STILL this talented, collection after collection??? May I repeat, SEQUINED JEANS=JEANUSH!!! OK, and the sweater by kookoo E Tautz methinks is the cherry on top. I went MAD for LONDON yet again. England is kicking it MAJ in 2014. DELISH STYLE to go with this DELISH and SIMPLE dish..

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Winter saute with brusskies or brussballs (AKA brussel sprouts), carrot, purple bok choy, onion, broccoli, and a garnish of avocado and raw red bell pepper dice. Cut ‘em chop ‘em (I slice up the brussballs into wafers and decimate the broccoli so it’s like broccoli confetti) and saute this medley of mad fun in organic, extra-virign coconut oil (I like Nutiva) and grass fed unsalted butter. It’s done when you like the color and texture of the veggies. Season only with fat-ass, chunky grey celtic sea salt. I coupled this with roast chicken (left-over?! HOLLA!) with a toss of red chile powder from Dixon, NM. Good DAY-GLOW red.  AHHHHHHH, super yums for breaky. Perfecto with SICK AS BLEEP SEQUINED JEANS!

EVERYDAY YUM 11-26-13 #yummydress

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TIGER SWEATSHIRT by Kenzo

EARRING by Lanvin

Welly Welly Welly… MORE YUM for your TUM! It has BEGUN.

I decided to go with, DRUMROLL, The Kenzo tiger sweatshirt!!!!! AND YES, I do in fact realize how utterly trendilicous this is, and you know what? I don’t care!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT and I want it, so VOILA, it has become the style piece of today’s YUM. YUM!!! Plus a Tutti Frutti earring by Lanvin (she gave the other one to her bestie and now they both sport the cooler than cool, single earring in an oh-so-chic-it-actually- HURTS way!)

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But whattabout SNACKIE??? Oh yes oh yum, this one is SPICY ICY and very NICIE! Check it out… sit down cuz it’s a wikked rad sitch. Braised baby beet greens with red chile granita!!!! RIGHT??? Fire meets Ice!!!! I have NEVER done anything like this and to be honest, I would do it again in a heartbeat. You just braise up your greens (if you do not have  baby beet tops, try baby rainbow chard, but let’s keep it in the BABY way), squeeze some super yum lemon juice (to taste), plus my fave Maldon crunchy salt and a splish-splash of good olive oil. Top with a teaspoon or 2 of the granita and OH MY you have arrived! No wait… you say you don’t get how to do the red chile granita?? No probs Bob. You just get your frozen bag of red chile and let it thaw in the fridge for an hour or two and then scoop up the granita-like snow cone of capsicum. WHAT? Well that’s what I did. If your really wanna make it from scratch, I would freeze the red chiles in an ice cube tray and then plop ‘em in a ziploc, and give it a hardy wallop (think meat tenderizer) to desired consistency. If they are too hard to crush, let ‘em sit out at room temp for an hour-ish and by then they will prolly be parfait. Eat as an amuse bouche or elegant side, it REALLY is a pissa. Do try this one… full-on, freakout WOW appeal. DUDE, I soooo want that sweater!!!

EVERYDAY YUM 11-25-2013 #yummydress

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DRESS by Isabel Marant (2014 Resort Collection)

SNEAKERS by Isabel Marant (2012)

SILVER HEART PENDANT by Beckerman (this is a vintage piece)

CUFFS: Model’s Own (OK, I just made ‘em up! I wish they were real, they would be of bakelite and multi-hued diamonds… I’m a DREAMER!!!)

NEWSFLASH>>>>>

Well, hello again fellow lovers of style and super-umami a.k.a MEGA YUMZ!!!!

I am introducing YET another debut to the YUMMY DRESS and EAT ME repertoire. It shall be dubbed EVERYDAY YUM!!!!! Let’s face it, folks, if I can crank out a FULL-ON, SICK-ASS EVERYDAY YUM daily it would be a miracle. Let’s also be realistic, it’s prolly gonna be more like a bi-weekly or tri-monthly YUM. I am gonna try to DISCIPLINE myself and really do it daily, but I also needed to be truthin’ you.

So, what is it you ask??? Just another drawing and some grub??? YES! That it is! Sprinkled with some pathos cuz it is MY PERSONAL YUM. As in what I ate that day and what I dream-fantasized about wearing.

It was sunny and all slushy and slippery snowy today in Santa Fe post-arctic storm. So I made a MEGA YUM of 3 poached eggs with farmer’s market roasted veggies. The veggie players were sunchokes, green and purple carrots, pink and blood red beets, zucchini, baby turnips and garlic. I roasted ‘em at 400° for 35 minutes and stirred ‘em up midway. The ONLY seasonings were crunchy Maldon salt and coarse black pepper… and LOVE. Plus 3-minute poached eggs as I like my eggs gooey wooey.

After sucha filling and fab meal I decided to dream-style myself in some scrumptious couture. I always fall back to Isabel Marant. SHE IS A GENIUS!!!! So happy she exists, as most of you fashion-forward-fiends would concur. I went for the TRENDY yet AMAZE sneakers – they will never go out. Love ‘em or hate ‘em, they are here to stay like ORGANIC VEGGIES, FOOD TRUCKS and EMO TRUCKER HATS (all of which I ADORE).

I went full-on mono-designer and did the cutest, li’l deep raspberry mini-dress also by Ms. Marant (from her 2014 Resort collection). Hey, if you’re gonna DREAM, check out the RESORT WEAR!

Plopped on my fave necklace THAT I REALLY OWN, from my great pals Caillianne, Samantha and Chloe, The Beckermans! Saying I LOVE these girls is the understatement of 2013.

And that’s it!

EVERYDAY YUM for your sexxy-ass TUM!!!!

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EAT ME – BREADFRUIT and BUBBLEBAGS! #yummydress

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ALOHA!!! OK, let’s face it, YUMMY DRESS ROCKS! But it’s quite a mouthful and is sorta on the epic side of life. So I have decided to interject YUMMY with EAT ME! EAT ME will be a quickie delish post featuring ONE food item and ONE style item. For it’s debut I decided the theme should be ELUSIVE DESIRE. OoOoOoOoOoh, how wintry and deep and dark and penetrating into your psyche!!!! But fo’ reals, BOTH of the featured items are WIKKED HARD to find and will probably put you in debt. NO JOKE! So for the fashion fetish it is a bag, and as you BAG LADIES know, bags are basically crack for true fashionistas (hey, I work my 2006 Fendi Cognac Spy bag like a CHAMP!). It’s not just a bag, though, it’s a CHANEL BAG. Oh yeah, a discontinued CHANEL bag at that. RIGHT??? WAY CRAY! It’s not truly called the BUBBLE BAG but I call it that and the sicko bag minions adhere to this moniker as well…THE CHANEL BUBBLE QUILT BAG from 2006-2009. NO, not that regular CHANEL quilt that is all normal and very deb. NON! It’s like a mutant huitlacoche, to quote my fabtastique pal Carrie. I mean, it is really UGLY in a GORGEEOUS WAY. So google it and decide if it’s your dream or nightmare. Remember when Blake Lively was the Chanel “It” girl and she was sportin’ it EVERYWHERE?!! This is THAT bag!

Speaking of UGLY in a GORGEOUS way, let’s segue to the other star of the show: THE BREADFRUIT! This is one weird-ass, tropical anomaly and I was introduced to it by Dot, my mother-in-law. She grew up eating them on Kauai where they would roast them outdoors over coals in open pits. She still says THIS is the best way to enjoy the delicacy. The last time I was on Oahu I slathered it in butter and crackly sea salt on her recommendation. IT WAS INSANE! So way cray delish, so original and so unique… like a roasted chestnut having a three -way with a butternut squash and some hot, fresh Hawaiian sweet bread. And VOILA – a breadfruit LOVECHILD! Dot LOVES it but her hubbie Tosh does not. Neither does my hubbie Jon – WEIRD! But rally darlink, who cares, more for us wahines! Here is Dot flashing the shaka and riding the hot-buttered, freshly roasted breadfruit fantasy boat! OH YES! OH YUM!

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So to get this pomelo-looking item you must have a breadfruit tree or have nice generous neighbors that do. I mean really! I was gifted with some Caribbean breadfruit for my birthday from my gorgeous man Jonny and OMG! STILL so GREAT! But different. It was like eating a HUGE artichoke heart! INCREDIBLE! You can order it here…or go to Honolulu and spock out a tree and maybe wait for one to fall.

There are so many varieties of breadfruit but the bubble bag only came out in a few colors: grey, dark grey, caramel, chocolate, mossy green, mustard, butter, burgandy, petrol blue, dark white, black, dark beige and rust. Plus a buncha styles. Every year they messed around with the styles AND colors…so it truly is a crazy hunt to get YOUR BUBBLE. Good luck. It is TWEEKED. It’s not the TYPICAL yawn Chanel quilt. It’s a totes MUTANT BEAUTY I WILL LUST FOR FOREVER! Here’s a peekie…

While working my fave runway in Santa Fe (Whole Foods) I bumped into my pal Paisley and just GUSHED about my  recent breadfruit experience. Well, as a chica whose boyfriend has a pad on the Big Island, she TOTALLY knew breadfruit. LIKE FO’ REALS. Like way more than novice moi. So I asked her to guest blog about said yumminess and well, let’s hear from the seasoned aficionado. Take it away Paisley!!!!

It’s likely that you don’t know about Breadfruit. Here on the mainland of the United States it’s pretty uncommon. In Hawaii, though, it’s a traditional staple and it’s fabulous! The Hawaiian word for it is Ulu, and you see it on menus there all the time. There are even Breadfruit Institutes on Maui and Kauai, which are committed to promoting Breadfruit for reforestation projects and food use around the world. Breadfruit grows on huge, gorgeous trees and is one of the only foods in the world that could sustain you for years all by itself. It has that many nutrients and minerals and other good stuff in it. So yay for Breadfruit! You might think a diet of Breadfruit alone would be mighty boring and you’d be right eventually, but honestly, there are so many ways to prepare it that it would take you a while to get bored.

Now I have to admit that the way I was introduced to eating Breadfruit is the ultimate way to be introduced to eating anything – I picked it, wild, from a tree. Then, I brought it home and a chef taught me how to cook it. Does it get any better? If Haggis grew wild and this was how I was introduced to it, I would probably love Haggis. At the time, my boyfriend and I were living on the Big Island of Hawaii. I could go on for pages about the amazing eating opportunities in Hawaii, but this episode definitely stands out. One day, a chef friend of ours took us “scavenging,” which is a completely legitimate and amazing way to gather vegetables in the islands. There are so many plants that grow wild all over the place that you can, without going much more than 100 yards from the road, and without stepping onto private property at all, drive around and collect produce like limes, lemons, oranges, papayas, coconuts, bananas, avocados (wild avocados!) mangoes, onions, herbs of all kinds, and breadfruit. So yes, my introduction was pretty perfect, but even if you purchase yours mundanely from the grocery store, as I now do, you will still love it.

Breadfruit can be a little daunting when you first encounter it in uncooked. It’s a big, football-shaped, green object that has a tendency to ooze white goo from its cut stem and from any nicks in the rind. Do not be intimidated! You must be bold! Approach with confidence and then STOP! There is one very important thing to know about coming into contact with Breadfruit. That white goo I mentioned? It’s latex. All natural, of course, but it does tend to seep out at the most inconvenient times, like constantly. This sounds completely disgusting, but it’s fine. If you’re allergic, wear gloves (not the latex kind, obv). And before you even think about cutting into it, oil your knife! This is very important because getting that sticky goo off of your knife afterward will be a nightmare. Also, put some parchment down on the counter, too.

Ok, taking a page out of Julia Child’s book (I wonder if she ever had Breadfruit?), you must CONFRONT the Breadfruit with poise and calm. You are fully protected. You are prepared. You are the Ninja of Breadfruit.

As I said, there are a million ways to cook breadfruit, but a couple of my faves are baking/roasting and frying. We’ll start simple…

ROASTED BREADFRUIT
This is the simplest preparation I know of and also one of the best.
Ingredients
•    1 Breadfruit
•    Salt & Pepper
•    Butter

Directions
•    Pre-heat the oven to 400 and line a baking sheet with parchment.
•    Cut the stem from the Breadfruit and then cut the whole thing in half. This will basically allow it to cook a little faster, but you could also just stick the whole thing into the oven, uncut. Or hell, if you’re on a beach or camping, wrap it in foil and bury it in campfire coals. But if you’re in your kitchen and in a hurry to eat you some yummy Breadfruit, cut it in half and it will cook faster.
•    Lay the halves cut-side down on the baking sheet and stick it in the oven.
•    Much like baking a potato, the time it’s going to require depends mostly on the size of the Breadfruit. I suggest checking it after 1/2 an hour. It probably won’t be ready by then, but it will give you an idea of how it’s coming along. You check it by sticking a knife into it. When the knife slides in easily, it’s done.
•    When it’s done, remove it and let it cool just enough to touch it. Now it’s easiest to simply slice it. Scoop/cut the seeds out like you do from an apple slice. Serve with lots of butter, salt, and pepper. Delicious!
You could also peel it, scoop the seeds, and mash it with butter, salt, and pepper. Equally delicious!

There you go! Breadfruit mastery is yours!
So, having dealt with the easiest preparation, let’s try something not difficult, but a teeny bit more daring.

ULU FRIES
Ingredients
•    1 Breadfruit (any size works, but I really love these so I would probably get a larger one)
•    16 oz. oil or fat (the amount here depends on the size of your Breadfruit. Fries should be almost completely submerged in the cooking fat.)
•    Water
•    Salt
•    Parmesan, Gorgonzola, other yummy cheeses, spices, whatever you think would make French fries even more delicious are welcome here.

Special equipment that is not necessary, but would be handy:
•    Deep Fryer- if you don’t have one, use a Dutch oven or any heavy-bottomed, fairly high-sided pan
•    Spider skimmer- alternatively, try a fairly broad strainer or a slotted spoon
•    Deep-Frying/Candy thermometer – again, no problem if you don’t have one. You can use the old trick of the wooden chopstick or spoon handle. I’ll explain below.

A couple of notes about the oil and fat for this recipe: You want to make sure you use an oil or fat that has a high enough smoke point for frying. Otherwise, it’s a grease-fire fest and that’s not what we’re going for. Olive oil is no good. Before it bursts into flames, it burns and (a) tastes awful and (b) turns carcinogenic. Really – burning does something to the molecules of olive oil that makes it carcinogenic. Again, not what we’re going for. You could use coconut oil, which is great, but you have to get the refined kind. Refining ups the smoke point and makes it possible to fry with it. Macadamia oil has a high enough smoke point (413 degrees, F), and it would be delicious, but it is super expensive so if you want to use it, make sure you’re feeling luxxe that day.

Do I actually need to say that Canola and basic “vegetable” oil are right out? They are. Both are made primarily with rapeseed oil, which is totally genetically modified and chemically toxified. Ew.

Grapeseed oil (with a ‘G’) is the best thing for frying because it’s healthy, has a high smoke point, and a totally neutral flavor. But if you’re feeling like Grapeseed is a little “ho hum” and you’re not feeling quite up to macadamia oil, you could use duck fat. Yes, seriously. It is 20% lower in saturated fat than butter, you can re-use it (just drain it and then stick it in the fridge once it’s not blazing hot any more), and it is crazy delicious.

As you can see, there are many options. Choose one and off we go!

First, prepare a bowl of water for the Breadfruit to hang out in after it’s been cut and before it’s fried, so it doesn’t turn brown. Second, prepare three trays/plates liberally lined with paper towels. The first one is going to be for your Breadfruit after it’s dried and before it goes in the oil. The second one is to drain it after it comes out of the oil the first time and the third one is going to be for draining after the second frying. Yes, the second frying. The secret to great fries of any kind is the double-fry method. Absolutely key! The first time is just to get them cooked through. (Undercooked Breadfruit or, worse, potatoes? Yuck.) The second time is to get them nice and crisp!

You want to skin the Breadfruit and cut it into strips, like large French fries, each about 3″ long and maybe 1/4″ to 1/2″ square. There are several ways of going about this, but the easiest is probably to cut off the Breadfruit’s stem, first, and stand it on that flat cut, for an even surface. Then slice it on all four sides, leaving the middle, where the seeds are. Then skin those sections. You could skin it first, or slice it straight into even sections, but whatever works for you. As you go, toss the strips into the water bowl so they don’t turn brown.

Ok, so if you’ve got a deep fryer, great. If not, no problem, use a Dutch oven or some other heavy pan that has pretty high sides. Melt all the oil and let it get good and hot. If you have a thermometer, clip it to the side of your pan so that it is well submerged in the oil but NOT touching the bottom. That will skew your reading. You want the oil to get to about 325F for this round. If you don’t have a thermometer, all is not lost. Take a wooden chopstick or the handle of a wooden spoon and stick it into the pan. If the oil starts steadily bubbling, it’s hot enough. If it bubbles like crazy, that’s too hot. Turn the heat down and let it cool a little bit.

While the oil is heating, dry the Breadfruit sticks. DRY THEM REALLY WELL!! If you throw damp Breadfuit into hot oil, you need to be wearing goggles and an aluminum suit because the oil will go flying and you will wind up with, like, 19th degree burns.

When the oil is hot, use your spider or spoon to put a bunch of the Breadfruit in. Working quickly, put enough in so that the pan is about half full. You don’t want to dump all of them in at once because you want to give them some room, but you don’t need to do them 10 at a time either.

As I said, the first round of frying is all about getting them cooked through. When they start to turn golden after a few minutes (say 7), stick one with a knife. It should slide it in pretty easily. If it doesn’t, leave them in for a few more minutes. If they’re starting to brown too fast, turn the heat down a little bit. When they’re close to the texture that you want, fish them out and set them aside to drain. Remember that you don’t want them to get overdone and you have one more, shorter, round of frying to go. This time, they just need to be cooked through and slightly golden. Now do the next batch.

When you’re all done, it’s time to do it again, this time for crispness. Turn the heat up a little bit. If you’re working with a thermometer, you’re going for 375F. If you’re doing wooden stick method, just wing it. You’ll be fine. As before, work in batches and fry them all a second time. Keep your eyes on your fries and let them to the color you want them to end up with. As they are done, take them out and set them aside to drain.

Salt immediately upon removing from the oil so that the salt sticks. You could also, at this stage, throw on some grated Parmesan or crumbled Gorgonzola! Cheesy fried Breadfruit? Yes, please!
Enjoy!

A shot of Miss Paisley in da Islands working that sublime, “I have Breadfruit at home just waiting to be devoured” smile!

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I asked Paisley to do a mini interview over some glorious hot chocolate at Kakawa Chocolate House… OK, elixirs, not just run of the mill hot cocoa (I got the Aztec Warrior she had 1/3 Jeffersonian and 2/3rds Zapoteca)

Here ’tis!

1. What is your dream bag?
I have dreamt about many bags, but one that has never left The List is the good ol’ Hermes Birkin, just because those are so damn big and useful. The sort of daily bag changes constantly, but it’s always something slouchy and roomy but never loose and dumpy. And of course, if we’re seriously discussing baggage, hard-sided Louis Vuitton, please, along with the staff and aircraft to correctly transport it.

2. How would you describe the taste of Breadfruit?
Breadfruit is very mild, slightly nutty. The name Breadfruit is so perfect because it really is like bread, which is tasty on its own, but is so mild that it could be said to exist purely as a vehicle for other flavors.

3. Where are you from and where are you going?
Wow, what a question! From? That’s easy. I am from the South. That’s where I learned to cook, in a family of female cooks. The Southern men of my grandfather’s and father’s generation had not yet embraced cooking as they have now. My brother, for instance, is a wonderful cook, but when I was growing up, the women cooked, and they did it magnificently. They taught me in a purposeful way how to cook and bake. Without consciously thinking about it, they taught me about family and tradition and non-tradition, the joy of doing things because it makes you happy, and the even greater of joy of doing things because they make other people happy. I learned how to embrace new ideas and ways of doing things. There were a lot of recipes and a lot of modalities that we used because that’s how they were done. But my grandparents were from Tennessee and we were in Florida and my father was a gourmet in the finest sense. In that kitchen, fried chicken was adored, but so were Chicken Marbella and seared scallops in beurre blanc and Thai curry, and Cuban black beans. It’s a big world and the kitchen was my introduction to it.
As for where I am going – anywhere, that’s the beauty of it!

4. What is your favorite food?
Impossible to say. It’s like asking my favorite color. My favorite food when I’m curled up in front of a fire in Santa Fe is completely different from my favorite food when I’m sitting on a beach in Hawaii. But that’s what I love about food, it can be altered to suit you.

5. What is your dream food?
A twenty-course meal with foie gras, oysters, bread, cheesecake, ice cream, wine, and anything else that might not be 100% good for me, but all with absolutely no negative side effects like weight gain or drunkeness. Technically, this does not exist, but that’s why Christmas, Thanksgiving, and birthdays do exist – because anything you consume on those days does not count!

AHHHHH! Mahalos Paisley! That clandestine Whole Foods meeting turned into a yummy EAT ME!!!

COCKTAILS AND CRINOLINE #yummydress

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DRESS by RYAN LO

FRINGED CLUTCH by LEUTTON POSTLE

PURPLE SIDE PERCHER by KEELY HUNTER MILLINERY

CUFF AND NECKLACE both by CHANEL (Vintage circa 1986)

HEELLESS PUMPS by MARTINEZ LIERAH

EARRINGS by LOUISE GRAY

COCKTAIL RING by YVES SAINT LAURENT

on kisser: LIME CRIME LIPSTICK in NEW YOLK CITY

on nails: COVERGIRL OUTLAST STAY BRILLIANT POLISH in VIO-LAST

on peepers: wet n wild MEGA LINER LIQUID in 863

on lashes: benefit BAD GIRL BROWN TINTED MASCARA

scent by ANNA SUI in LA VIE DE BOHEME

cocktail: LAVENDER SUNSHINE by JOHN SHERDON

 

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SWEATSHIRT by NIKKI LIPSTICK

WEDGE BOOTS by ISABEL MARANT

FANNY PACK by TORY BURCH

LEGGINGS by Bella Star COLLECTION in BLEEDING CHANEL

CRINOLINE SKIRT: MODEL’S OWN

SUGAR SKULL EARRING by THE SOFT MUSEUM

on pout: LIME CRIME LIPSTICK in NO SHE DIDN’T

on eyes: NEON AQUACOLOR PALETTE DAY-GLOW EYESHADOW by KRYOLAN

on lashes: MAKE UP PERFECT MASCARA in BLACK by SHISEIDO

scent: HARRODS AGARWOOD by BOND No. 9

 

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CRYSTAL DRESS by THE BLONDS

HEART-SHAPED SWAROVSKI-ENCRUSTED SUNNIES by MARIALIA

LIMITED-EDITION “SEASIDE SUNSET” CROWN by AUTUMN DAWN GOMEZ for PAUL FRANK x THE SOFT MUSEUM NATIVE AMERICAN DESIGNERS COLLECTION

MENU CLUTCH by MOSCHINO CHEAP AND CHIC (RESORT 2014)

OSTRICH PLUME FLATS by ROCHAS

JEWELED CUFF by OSCAR de la RENTA

on lips: ROUGE PUR SPF 8 by YSL in #49

scent: ALMOST TRANSPARENT BLUE by A LAB ON FIRE

cocktail: MI ESPOSA CALIENTE by JOHN SHERDON

TIME TO TOAST AND DANCE! Squeeze into your fave cocktail couture and sashay down to that OH SO CHIC soiree babies! Spritz the parfum, dust your eyes in glitter and gloss your pout to a glistening day-glo kisser no one can resisor…OK not an actual word but you get the point! I was MAD for all things LONDON so you will notice a slew of insanely talented Brits cropping up all over this YUMMY. I was delighted to spin a wee bit of an 80′s feel with the styling as the 80′s to me still represents the ultimate in cocktail chic. COCKTAILS and CRINOLINE for one and for all!!!

YES and YUM! I asked my fab and yumtastic friends, Blake and John, to GUEST CHEF on this YUMMY DRESS as they are both incredible natural cooks and love healthy and tasty grub as much as yours truly. We went full-on FARM TO TABLE, babies, for a fabulous cocktail bash that will fill your tummies with tiny morsels of heaven and have you dancing in the streets…in a cool not illegal way.

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Blake and John were introduced pour moi when I moved to Santa Fe almost 5 years ago with my hubbie and partner in crime,  Jon Moritsugu.

Blake is one of the coolest and funniest people I have EVER met! A counselor by day and a glamour girl by night, she  adores great fashion and scrumptious vittles. HOMEGIRL is a PISSA, as we say back East.

John is also DR. John and is by far the best DOM (Doctor of Oriental Medicine) I have ever met and been treated by. PLUS homeboy is a SICK ASS DJ!!! He spins DEEP HOUSE…and always gets the peeps a bumpin’ and thumpin’… OH HELLS YEAH!!!!

Married almost 5 years, Blake and John host some of the BEST dinner parties in Santa Fe BAR NONE!!!! From gorgeeous veggie, hand-rolled sushi (they know raw fish freaks me out) to mezes galore, these guys fully pull out the stops. Actually it was one chill springtime night over their meze platter that this idea called and we knew it was written… AHAHHA I said written!

ONWARDS to THE COCKTAIL PARTY!!!

First, we all hit up the Santa Fe Farmers Market, ranked in the Top Five of all the markets in America!!! YESS BABIES, we are spoiled here in our high desert city different. We cruise by SANCHEZ FARMS from Espanola for eggplant and chiles, BOXCAR FARM for potatoes (purple, yellow and pink!) and garlic, J & L GARDENS for lemon cukes (plus I snagged some of their AMAZEBALLS sliced and dried tomatoes – BRILLIANT with fresh red chiles on top!) and LA MESA ORGANIC FARMS, where MESA himself grows these wonderful pattypans that we grabbed up all greedy style . PLUS a stop off with Shirley Martinez from EPPIE’S LEGACY FARMS in CHIMAYO for her red as fire fresh Chimayo red chiles AND her FAMOUS recipe, which she generously donated to us for this YUMMY! Shirley truly makes thee best FRESH RED CHILE SAUCE you will EVER consume.

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Above is Shirley’s Fresh Red Chimayo Chile sauce and Below is Sanchez Farms chile sampler…

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Here is the cornucopia from said market…

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John was in charge of the CUMIN-SPICED LAMB MEATBALLS aka FRANZ KAFKA’S KEFTAS and the BEIRUT CHICKEN SKEWERS, as well as the 2 signature cocktails, The LAVENDER SUNSHINE and MI ESPOSA CALIENTE.

Blake was all about the watermelon, orange cherry tomato, Old Windmill Farms feta and garden-fresh mint stackers… which she dubbed, TOMELON STACKERS. All of this rounded out with her grilled summer veggie skewers with eggplant, potato and pattypan squash. She also made the Chimayo fresh red chile sauce AND the scrumptious Green Chile and Lime Crema…PERFECTOMUNDO!

As I just wrote above, all the skewers had complimentary sauces you could plop your delicacies into for a sheer mouth explosion of tastebud joy. NOW that’s a sentence you don’t read everyday! WOWZERS!

GREEN CHILE & LIME CREMA, CITRUS JALAPENO, and CHIMAYO CHILE CARIBE SAUCE (the latter compliments of Shirley Martinez).

We wanted to have a cocktail party as well as a lipstick-friendly feast so that you could still look cute and not muss yourself up (yeah I’m tawking to the ladies and drag queens out there)… YES, SKEWERS!!! Le answer parfait!

To begin, you need to start with the marinades.

Let’s do BEIRUT CHICKEN, shall we? WE SHALL!

For 4-6 cocktail party guests

You will need:

2 plump and juicy organic chicken breasts

3 cloves crushed garlic (hey, you know everything I’m tawkin’ ‘ bout is organic so no need to repeat, yes? Yes! Yes.)

1/4 cup of olive oil

juice of 1 meyer lemon

1 tablespoon hot cha cha Hungarian paprika

1 six ounce jar tomato paste

1 cup Greek yogurt…OPA!

2 tablespoons Zatar

1 teaspoon Himalayan pink salt

2 teaspoons green peppercorns

Combine ingredients and mix in a big bowl. Rinse chicken, pat dry with paper towels, and CHUNK IT UP BABY! You decide the chunk size as it’s your lipstick on the line.

Put chucken..OOOPS, I mean chicken chunks in the bowl and toss ‘em around to coat. Let marinate for one hour to overnight. CHUKEN! That’s funny.

Soak skewers in water for about an hour.

Skewer chuken..OK let’s stop…skewer chicken chunks on the wet sticks and make sure that there is not too much marinade on them.

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DSCF1890DSCF2008GRILL EM! Pop ‘em on an oiled grill about 5-7 minutes, flip, grill repeat.

While we are doing the meaty meats, let’s move on to Dr John’s cray cray totes amaze KAFKA’S KEFTAS.
FRANZ’S KEFTAS is actually the correct moniker…but I’m a suckatash sucka for alliteration.

For 4-6 sweet people

1 pound ground lamb (we used Talus Wind Ranch organic local yumville)

4 tablespoons chopped mint from the garden

4 tablespoons fresh mediterranean oregano (also from the garden. YAY, I get excited when people plant stuff…that’s the way I roll)

2 tablespoons Italian parsley

2 tablespoons cilantro

1 medium sweet onion, minced, baby, minced

1 teaspoon dried Greek oregano

1 teaspoon Zatar

coupla grinds black pepper

1 teaspoon Himalayan pink salt

2 teaspoons cumin seeds (ground in a Mocajete and put thru a wire sieve to remove nasty bits)

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 organic free rangin’, veggie munchin’ egg

Mix everything by hand. Let sit in the fridge for an hour before forming into keftas (ok MEATBALLS but sorta oval ones yo), two per skewer. Let the skewers sit at room temp for a little while.

Just ask yourself, what would Franz do? Tee hee!

GRILL EM!!!!

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DSCF2017DSCF2060About 5-7 minutes a side – WHAT A METAMORPHOSIS!!!!!

Yo man, let’s get Blake back into the picture, shall we??

Blake rocks the vegetarian-friendly fare, her GRILLED SUMMER SKEWERS a full-on delicacy of non-flesh.

Away we GOoOooooOoO!

A coupla handfuls of pink, yellow, white, and purple round potatoes (wee ones – remember the lipstick!)

4 small Japanese eggplants

2 medium-sized pattypans

olive oil

sea salt to taste

black pepper to taste

Parboil potatoes, cool ‘em,  and cut into 3/4 to 1 inch discs.

Cut eggplant into 3/4 to 1 inch discs as well. Sprinkle lightly with sea salt on one side. While you let the eggplant have some down time in the colander, start slicing the pattypan squash.

Slice pattypan into bite sized pieces. Drizzle all the vegetables with olive oil, sprinkle with salt, and add a few grinds of pepper. Toss and then put on skewers. Segregate by types cuz we don’t want any mixing!! They could revolt!!!

Put on oiled grill and flip when done on one side. Eggplant and pattypan will take longer to cook. Potatoes need to be browned only, as they have been parboiled.

But vegetarians cannot live by these veggies alone…

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How about some TOMELON STACKERS!!!???

Blake created this yummy yummy refreshing appetizer, quite possibly one of the most delicious things this lady has ever tasted!

cubed watermelon

chunks of Old Windmill Dairy feta (same size as cubed watermelon)

cherry tomatoes (cut in half)

fresh-picked mint

On a toothpick, arrange one wee bit of watermelon, 2 small mint leaves, feta cube, and end with 1/2 cherry tomato.

Simple and elegant, like the name implies.

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VROOM VROOM, moving onto the saucy side of life!

As you know, what is a skewer sans a dipping sauce? A sad and naked stick with a sad and unadorned meat and or veggie chunklet, like Cinderella in her grungy maid-like outfit…wait that outfit was sorta cool…OK I DIGRESS!

Actually, all the skewers can work without a dip as they are THAT GOOD. But it’s not a party without a plop into a thick, rich, wet, yummy bath of deliciousness! YO! Plus all the sauces can be mixed and matched like a swingers party…no rules sexxxy, just stay groovy.

First up, Shirley Martinez’s Chimayo Chile Caribe Sauce

1 teaspoon salt

10-12 fresh Chimayo red chiles

2 peeled garlic cloves

WAIT??? WHAT??? That’s it??? Yup, folks, THAT IS IT! Brilliant in it’s simplicity.

Rinse peppers and cover with water. Bring to a boil for 30 minutes with lid on.

Remove peppers from boiling water and snip off tops. Leave seeds in. Put half of the peppers into a blender with the garlic and 1/2 a ladle of “pepper boiling water.” Blend, then add remaining peppers and blend again.

You will be rewarded with a crimson pool of heaven, a virtual explosion of flavor.

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Next up is Green Chile & Lime Crema

6 ounces Green Valley Organics lactose free sour cream (mix well)

5 tablespoons roasted green chiles (the HOT variety from Sanchez Farms) chop chop chopped

1 teaspoon Himalayan pink salt

fresh lime juice from half of a lime

Combine and mix, season to taste.

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Lastly is the Citrus Jalapeno Sauce.

Dr. John made this one years ago and ever since, Jon and I have chittered and chattered about its greatness. SIMPLE and FRESH, the perfect foil to the Chile Caribe and Lime Crema dips.

12 jalapenos

2 cloves garlic

juice of 2 Meyer lemons

1 teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon olive oil

Cut the tops off the peppers, slice in half and remove seeds. Rinse in water to get ALL the dang seeds OUTTA THERE! Rough chop ‘em, put into Cuisinart and blend with remaining ingredients. VOILA, icy hot!

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Let’s RECAP what we’ve concocted: all the skewers, all the sauces, and yes, The Tomelon Stackers!

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Let’s Grab a plate, yes???

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I think we need a libation, yes!!!! But first a li’l snackee…

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Time for the LAVENDER SUNSHINE and MI ESPOSA CALIENTE!

Lavender Sunshine is a cocktail Dr. John created with late summer in mind. Perfecto for this party and mellow enough to help you forget all your worries and start dub steppin’ in your cha cha heels! Hey, I actually LIKE DUBSTEP! SUE ME!

1 ounce dry vermouth

1/2 ounce Pernod

3 ounces Plymouth Gin

1 tablespoon organic lavender honey (we used Artemisia Herbs from Dixon, NM, only the best!)

1 Meyer lemon, juiced

Combine in shaker with ice. SHAKE SHAKE IT SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROI… no, I won’t go there. Just SHAKE IT!

Garnish with lemon twist.

Even if you are not a gin drinker, and Blake IS NOT, you’ll luv this one. Blake was sipping it up and when I told her it was gin, she had a full-on TOMELON STACKER!!! WHAT? I know…it really is COCKTAIL TIME!

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The cherry on top of this COCKTAIL PARTY FUNZILLA is Dr. John’s last opus, his romantically entitled, Mi Esposa Caliente. Translated, this means: MY HOT WIFE!!!!

Mi Esposa Caliente begins here…

4 ounces Casamigos Reposado Tequila (Agave Azul… oh and yup kids, this is George Clooney’s Tequila and it is genius!!! From Attack of the Killer Tomatoes to this…NICE!!!

1 teaspoon agave nectar

1 jalapeno

juice of one fresh lime

La Tambora “Salsa en polvo” seasoning powder a mix of dehydrated lime salt and red chile

Rim your glass in lime juice and then dip into La Tambora “Salsa en polvo”… a nice chile-salty-crunchy situation. Fill the glass with ice cubes. Muddle jalapeno with the agave and lime juice right in your shaker. Add ice cubes. Shake and pour through strainer into glass. Garnish with jalapeno slices and…

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CLINK CLINK!

CHEERS AND MAZEL TOV!

You made it! Time to party, baby!

Put on your SLAP and ROCK IT HARD!

Life is short and it’s always cocktail hour somewhere!

KISS KISS

XOXOX

EXTRA CREDIT #yummydress

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ON HER:

SUIT and HEELS:  ARMANI

HAIR COLOR by PRAVANA in VIVID GREEN

ON LIPS and CHEEKS: Pot Rouge for lips and cheeks by BOBBI BROWN in Light Pink

EYESHADOW by MAKE UP FOREVER PROFESSIONAL in Pearly Baby Pink

SCENT: Flowerbomb by VIKTOR AND ROLF

ON HIM:

SHIRT and PANTS by MATTHEW MILLER

SNEAKERS by LOUIS VUITTON

SCENT: Silver Mountain Water by CREED

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ON HER:

SUIT: same as above

BAG by HERMES (the CLASSIC BIRKIN BAG)

Royal Blue Suede Lace Skull-Studded PUMPS by ALEXANDER McQUEEN

Red-Studded Leather Moto GLOVES by VALENTINO

Carnival HAT by PHILIP TREACY

ALL NECKLACES by THE BIG O

MAKE-UP, HAIR COLOR and SCENT: same as above

ON HIM:

OUTFIT and SNEAKERS: same as above

ALL NECKLACES by THE BIG O

ALL BRACELETS by THE BIG O

BAG by CHESTER WALLACE

Fuzzy Pink CAP: Model’s Own

Home Sunday

INTRODUCING my SCRUMPTIOUS PAL, THE BIG O, an AMAZING JEWELRY DESIGNER AND STYLIST FOR THE LATEST YUMMY DRESS! Here we see him (in orange and turquoise beads) with his partner in ART, FASHION and LIFE, the SUPREMELY TALENTED Rob Parker. Rob has made me into the flaxen-headed vixen that I am today. I enlisted the assistance of THE BIG O at my last touch-up at the salon they both own, WINK, in Santa Fe… natch! So as you can see with your pretty peepers, these two have STYLE TO BURN!!! From posing for photographer Joel-Peter Witkin to gabbing with great pal Iris Apfel, THE BIG O is as COOL and HOT as it gets. Together they have acquired an art collection ranging from CREATIVE GROWTH masterworks to early KOONS and DIANE ARBUS… plus oddles of ART BRUT and LOCAL NATIVE AMERICAN WORKS.

FASHION is his other PASSION. THE BIG O alone has over 12 BIRKIN BAGS.! Yes, people, HERMES BIRKIN BAGS. Plus a LIMITED EDITION AMY DAVIS for LeSPORTSAC tote. ART=FASHION=LIFE =HAPPINESS for these two hunks of burning love!!!!

OK, so WHAT IN THE WORLD is this YUMMY DRESS all about, you ask?

It’s about NOT CHEATING yourself out of a FAB look just cuz you are TOO LAZY to ACCESSORIZE! OOoOoOoO OOoOoOo yeah, I called you LAZY. I mean, how HARD is it to put on a string of beads??? WORK IT!!!

ACCESSORIES ARE TO FASHION WHAT CONDIMENTS ARE TO CUISINE!!!! Oh, there it is, I said it! The basis for this entry.

I know it can be daunting, the fear of looking like a Christmas Tree or the Easter Bunny, BUT FEAR NOT! You can go LIGHT or HEAVY in the GAME OF ACCESSORIES. I go HEAVY cuz baby, that’s how I dig my METAL. THE BIG O inspires me every time I see him, laden with sparkles but never looking like an over ornamented psycho. He works it, he inspires it, and hopefully, what he selected will INSPIRE YOU!!!

So onwards we march into the territory of CONDIMENTS. No. not ketchup, babies. Not some soggy, chemical-dripping, cavity-creeping, oozey sludge… NO!

I am going to be doing a ROASTED TOMATILLO SALSA HAUNTED WITH CARDAMON.

Next up, the easy one: MACERATED CHERRY TOMATOES IN ROSEMARY, GARLIC AND SEA SALT. It should be called CHOP and GO cuz it is that simple, Jack!

Lastly, my magnum opus, STONE FRUIT, TRIPLE-GRAPE, JALAPENO-ROASTED CORN, MARCONA ALMOND AND KALAMATA OLIVE RELISH.

OK, the last one is a doozy and not for novices at chopping, as the chopping alone will BREAK YOU…2 plus hours baby…this is the E-TICKET of RELISHES.

Now onto THE SALSA!

CONDIMENT NUMERO UNO:

My GREAT San Francisco friend, Jenny, owner of the amazingly genius HACKER DESIGN (organic hand-sewn and felted blankets for everyone who ever wanted a SUPER LUXXX snuggle), introduced me to not only MOCAJETES but this ancient salsa. For every in-the-know grandma in Mexico to Upper East Side foodies, this salsa is an oldie but a goody. I gave it my own YUMMY twist with the addition of the cardamon.

Get out your MOCAJETE. Oh, you don’t have one? Then buy one, SEASON IT, and voila, you are in bizznizz. If you don’t have one, I dunno… SKIP this recipe. FOR REALS! You really need a MOCAJETE. OK, a MORTAR AND PESTLE can work in a pinch, but it will not be as super yums… just sayin’.

CAST OF CHARACTERS:

8 – 10 husked  organic TOMATILLOS

4 Organic GARLIC CLOVES

3 – 5 SERRANO PEPPERS

1 CARDAMOM POD (just one!)

a weeee weeee bit of SEA SALT to taste

In a CAST IRON SKILLET, roast the TOMATILLOS and SERRANO PEPPERS on high, turning frequently until seared on each side and the TOMATILLOS are a bit juicy-goosey.

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While these are roasting, open the CARDAMOM POD into your MOCAJETE. Decimate the seeds until they resemble Santa Fe dust.Remove pod shards.

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Next, smash the GARLIC and SEA SALT together until it becomes a heavenly paste.

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Once the TOMATILLOS and PEPPERS are done (about 7 to 10 minutes), CAREFULLY with a fork plop them into the MOCAJETE. Slice each one open with a sharp knife BEFORE mashing, or they might spit some lava-hot, green napalm onto your face/hands/friends.

Do the TOMATILLO MASH and mash ‘em up good, until you dig the consistency and it says, “I AM THE SALSA of YOUR DREAMS” in a sweet, yet low tone only you can hear.

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Serve it up!  No need to plop in a bowl as your MOCAJETE is WAY cooler and does the job just super swell. Chips are the go to, but what about on the side of flaky yet moist and tender, grilled halibut? Perchance dolloped on top of a Chimayo red chile-marinated chicken breast? Drizzled onto a white mushroom,  THE OLD WINDMILL DAIRY goat cheese and spinach omelette or scrambee? Maybe even CHILAQUILES? As a dip for cumin-scented lamb kabobs? Splashed onto my last HOT TAMALE YUMMY DRESS recipe?? ENDLESS WAYS to DRESS UP a MEAL!!!

CONDIMENT NUMERO DOS:

Hey, all you sexxy babies who want an easy and delish summer treat – let’s go MACERATE SOME ‘MATERS!

THE PLAYERS:

1 – 2 large containers of ORGANIC CHERRY TOMATOES (I love me some SUN GOLD, sweet as honey!)

4 – 8 cloves fresh, local, organic, biodynamic GARLIC

2 inches of fresh-from-your-garden ROSEMARY

SEA SALT (I like fine-grained for this trick)

Slice all the TOMATOES in half and put ‘em gently on a plate. Top semi-generously with SEA SALT and let rest (ie: MACERATE) for at least 15 minutes. WHAT?! I know. Just humor me and do it.

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Next, chippy choppy the GARLIC and mince the ROSEMARY. Mix ‘em up and then lightly toss with the happy TOMATOES.

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Let rest again for 10 minutes . THAT IS IT! YOU ARE DONE! This is quite possibleee the easiest YUMMY DRESS recipe evah! And, it goes on VIRTUALLY EVERYTHANG!!!!!

- On HOT PASTA (with a healthy drizzle of extra-virgin olive oil)… maybe some ricotta salata? Reggiano? Perhaps just red chile flakes? EASY A!

- In PANZANELLA! Combine the tomatoes with olive oil-brushed and toasted, day-old bread hunks, then drip drop with thick, Hershey’s Syrup consistency Balsamic (like budget-busting Giuseppe Giusti “Affinato” Traditional Balsamic Vinegar of Modena D.O.P.). Rip fresh basil on top and enjoy a taste of paradise.

- As an extra-delicious topping on SALAD, no dressing needed!

- In TABOULEH! Just chop one bunch of flat leaf parsley, cukes and BLAM! Add these tomatoes and one cup of the cooked and cooled grain of your choice. I like millet or quinoa but most gluten eaters dig bulgur wheat. Douse in fresh lemon juice and extra virgin olive oil to taste . Crack a truckload of black pepper on it. Grab some hummus and some farm fresh feta and you have a MEGA MEZE!

- On PIZZAGRILLED CHEESE… on top of CHICKEN PARMESAN… on STEAK… alone under a peach colored moon… ENDLESS FUN!!!

CONDIMENT NUMERO TRES:

OK, now this is THE DOOZEY. This will make you WOOZEY. But if you get thru it and create it, you will be oh-so-proud and your friends will hail you as the chief of ALL RELISHES!

Hey, my husband even dreams of this one at night. True story!

Let’s go…deep breath…

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NOTE: everything should be IN SEASON and ORGANIC, hopefully LOCAL. This is NOT a relish to do in mid-winter!

DOUBLE NOTE: Folks, the above photo is only HALF of the ingredients!!!

THE WINNERS:

2 NECTAPLUMS

2 SANTA ROSA PLUMS

1 PLUOT

7 each GREEN, BLACK, and RED GRAPES

3/4 cup diced CUCUMBER

1 POBLANO PEPPER

1 cup roasted SWEET CORN

7 BING CHERRIES

3 JALAPENOS

2 tablespoons CHIVES

3 tablespoons RED ONION

Juice of 1 LIME and 1/2 LEMON

16 KALAMATA OLIVES

1/2 cup crushed MARCONA ALMONDS

SALT to taste.

OH MY GAWD.

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I know. Pit all the pitty fruits…just don’t PITY the fruits AHAHHAHA!!

Chop everything up, like dice ‘em. No food processor – it will make it into a jam.

Start chopping. Listen to some Dubstep. Breathe. Stretch.

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Toss in finely crushed marcona almonds. That’s it, chop and chop, put in a big bowl, stir and serve!!!

IT IS GENIUS! Yeah, no humility on this one. I even printed it with the dreamy edge blur effect cuz it’s THAT DELECTABLE.

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It tastes like pure JUNK FOOD in the bestest way!

Top on HOT DOGS (good nitrate-free ones…you know my story) or grass-fed, organic, local CHEESEBURGERS!! Yeah, it works on BOTH!

For vegetarians, try on GRILLED CHEESE and VEGGIE BURGERS! Perhaps on a  yummy RACLETTE with all the trimmings. Or dare I even type it…a TOFU PUP. No words, I am quiet now.

OK FWEW! GO, FIGHT, DRESS, ACCESSORIZE, AND EAT YOUR CONDIMENTS!

LIFE is too short for ketchup!!!

XXX